Today is my 40th birthday. Wow where has the time gone, I feel like I was just turning 10 years old although I don’t remember much from that time. I do remember my 20’s and 30’s and even some of my teens, many rough years I will say.
Thirty’s were a particularly important decade in my life, this was the time I met my wife and had our daughter, but although it was very beautiful because I finally had a family of my own, it was also some of the hardest times due to trying figure out what it meant to be a good husband and then father.
I certainly have failed along the way sometimes major failures trying to keep the finances together, keep the family going why my Wife stayed home and cared for our daughter but in all it was worth the sacrifice. I would do anything for them .
Over this decade I have really tried to grow professionally helping our family financially prosper even that has been a major struggle, I have had my success and failures in that area too. I feel I am wiser now then those years, maybe by 50 I can call myself wise.
I have calmed down somewhat but within me is still a fire to work hard, make money, provide for my family and continue to myself better. I am more intune to my abilities as a professional and my worth to a certain degree even though I do beat myself up over my failures and those mistakes that have set me back.
My twenties where very difficult, as those where the years I really tried to push myself to strive for greatness which I think pushed me over the edge at times causing my mental break at times. I still reflect on those times because those were important years for me to grow and learn from major mistakes.
I know most of us have a struggle in our teens and twenties but sometimes I feel I cant get over a hump of feel satisfied with my life and what I have. Its not that I want more and more although that is nice, I just want to feel secure in what I have like I am not going to lose it, difficult when right now I am not working , looking for work and trying to have a healthy state of mind knowing that it will be ok, but my mind always reverts to the negative.
Like most of us I still struggle to keep the finances going for a family, but I am confident we will make it because when your willing to do anything for your family anything is possible that I believe, I will do anything.
Deep down by now I should have stopped caring what people think of me, but i still care because we rely on people to help us get where we need to be. But ultimately it is GOD who has control in my life, where I will be placed in this life whether in a great job or on the street, preferably in a great job who provides for me and my family.
I have no idea what the next 10 , 20 , 30 years will bring, I pray that it will bring prosperity but life is full of surprise’s so who knows what it will bring. I hope like anyone else to have financial prosperity, good health and be happy, but I know happy is a state of mind.
I do know at this point in my life I am definitely more self reflective of my life, my successes, my failures, where I want to go, something I wasn’t always too sure about in my Twenties, I guess some people find themselves later in life, I am still searching to a certain degree, but I try to enjoy life because as we get older, time ticks a way one less day on this earth, I imagine someone who is in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s really must feel like yeah I am more than half way done with life.
Everyone feels differently about getting older, some dread it, some look forward to it, I am in between because deep down I don’t feel I have accomplish all I want to, but there is still time. As I focus on my writing praying one day I become a published author whether being an Indie author or traditional that I am looking forward too.
Thank you to everyone who follows my journey and looking forward a new year of life, only god knows how long he will give me in this life.