Today is my 44th birthday! Please hold the congratulations, well wishes as I reflect on this day to think about these 44 years of life. More than half of my life has been filled with turmoil, hardships, living in regret and sadly waiting for each day to be my last day on earth. Yet I keep going as I look at my beautiful wife and daughter, think of my sister, father and brother in law and those very few friends I can call friends.
Sadly I wish I had more appreciation for a birthday, but I do not. When many wish me Happy Birthday, I of course thank them because I do appreciate that they did think of me, since many do forget me especially those who say they are my friends and family.
I wish I could be more grateful for my life, I know I should thank GOD and do for allowing me to have breath because you never know when I will take my last breath.
Strangely I think of those individuals I read about who end their lives never to have another birthday, I don’t know why I think of Stephen (Twitch) Boss, the dancer from Ellen who ended his life last year. I think of his beautiful life he had, wife, kids, money, fame, everything one could ask for in this life.
Where has myself I have my wife, my daughter and at times struggles to keep my head above water. I feel like I have struggled so many years to get ahead, save money, have a better future only to have set back after set back again starting all over again, I have had too many of those moments to count. Am I healthy, YES. Do I have work, YES, actually two jobs, one full time working in my career field and another teaching. Do I have a place to sleep, a roof, YES I do. Do I live in relativity safe neighborhood, Yes. Do I have food everyday, YES. Do I have money, NO. Do I have a House with a yard, NO. Do I have many friends, NO. Do I have love for myself, NO.
I think the NO’s outweighed the yeses, but the yeses are often what we look at when we look at our lives and see that we have NOTHING to complain about. Yes I know maybe I should just be thankful I have what I need to be ok, lack of money of course. Sadly I think to myself when will my last birthday be will it be tomorrow as I drive on the freeway and someone or something causes my demise. Will it be not waking up for some reason, it will be aneurism or will it one day me deciding when it will be time leaving behind this life.
I know this birthday message is depressing and it should be filled with happiness about life, thankful for everything, every breath and to live another day and year, because frankly people die every day, young and old, natural and unnatural deaths.
What I will do each day is try to create a small legacy that I am here, that is why I blog, that is why I write books, why I VLOG and document my life so my daughter , wife will know who I am.
I do look back at pictures from years past on Birthdays and think , was I happy in this moment in time and at times I think yes I was or no I was struggling at that point in time, but I attempted to be happy. Last year I think about how everything was great, I had work , my weight was manageable and I felt and looked good and now this year its very different as I had a hard year with a layoff in March, But found work with a good company, but along the way struggled , made some choices that affected me and my family financially and I am in regret at times.
I regret that I had a higher paying job in May through July, but was forced to leave and restart my job search. I regret that in May of this year I had two job offers and made a choice taking the wrong role which cost me BIG time career and financial wise setting me back financially hurting our family financially, something I will never forgive myself for, but Must MOVE on. On the bright side,
I am working with a great company which has the potential for lots of growth. But I will say that GOD knows what he is doing as he placed me with incredible people who are kind, respectful, professionals who I enjoy being around and working with instead of the last company that I worked with kind people too, respectful and professional but one very passive aggressive micro managing project manager who forced me to want to leave a good position. Deep down I feel I am good at this new company, I actually feel happy to want to go and be around these incredible people where as the last company although nice, day one I had this strange feeling like something was off as soon as I got there.
But no matter what, I look back on my day of birth and wonder what life would have been like if I was never born, which in my opinion would shape many things such as the birth of my daughter, the meeting of my future wife, but wonder none the less, would life be better…who knows, only GOD knows. I do know that GOD has a plan for me, continues to plan my life even despite that hardships he is there working through me and with me each day.
I know in my heart I need to have more appreciation for my birth, my life, who I am , but at the end of the day I am not special. I look at others and I say Thank GOD they were born, because they seem to have an amazing life, but I know I don’t know their life, what they struggle with, if they are happy. All I know is my life, my imprint on those around me.
Here’s to a new year of birth, where I look to each day of change, growth, and happiness in the hope that I can appreciate my life further and value it like I should.
Joe Meyers Adventures 