Goodbye 2023 and good riddance! But not completely as I wrap up this year filled with hardship and successes but more hardships than I have needed and even now recovering for this year and wont be made whole again until a year from on and I am talking emotionally and financially. Just like 1 year ago today, everything was gravy, enjoying the end of 2022.
YOUR FIRED!
Unexpectedly February/March would go south and that is LIFE. Without warning, out of a job via an e-mail from the CEO of the company. I guess I should have expected it, we were after all considered a Tech company, not like Twitter, Google, Microsoft and so many others. It was a job I had been after for almost three years, a job I liked especially my customers and some of my co-workers. But it was a job Afterall, no guarantee of employment especially in the good ole U.S. of A.
I along with about seventy employees got the boot, some of them my work friends, although I never physically met them as I was a remote worker which was apart of the perk as I got to spend three full years with my wife and daughter and see their lives in a whole new greater light, which I still miss today.
Staying Optimistic
I was optimistic as I took the first weeks of March off to get some much-needed rest having not taken a real vacation in over a year, the last being in December of 2021. Then in mid-March I had a planned surgical procedure which would allow me to stay mobile with caution for 1 month. I found the successful end of March fairly quickly with interviews, which was a great joy and exciting and got two offers’ days apart end of April to start in May and that that point everything was ok until it wasn’t.
I stupidity accepted both offers giving my time to really decide as I loved both positions and knew I had to decide, but I really should have immediately let one go and burned a good bridge. This was a time I was not myself as being jobless with so much responsibility on my shoulders was overwhelming, frightening and my mental health flared up as I couldn’t sleep, think, full of anxiety about what the future looked like.
New Oppurtuntunties
One position was with one of my old industries in a credit union, the other in Utilities and a company I had wanted to work and, in my heart, knew I wanted the Job in projects working for the utility company, it was well paid and the credit union both paid me 15% higher than I was previously making. There were pros and cons to each position, I guess I should have paid closer attention to what I knew.
One of the reasons I did not take a the Credit Union job was because the job was focused on things I was Just doing at my old company but different, more like a system administrator and for some reason didn’t see myself doing that, I wanted to try something new.
My gut told me I should have the credit union job, but I took the job I felt I wanted, which did not pay off. Immediately when I started my new job in Mid-May in Utilities, I was excited, happy and looking forward to my new role. Strangely when I stepped onto the new job, that changed for me, after a few weeks I felt regret about the job I took as it turned out it was not what I thought it was, it was much different then explained in the interview.
I was of course considered a contractor, knowing that going in but I felt different as if I was not truly apart of the team. For many this wouldn’t have mattered, I did after all have a job so who cared if I was a contractor. I cared because in time I felt I was not treated the same as a regular employee, I was kind of treated like an outsider.
In a matter of the next few weeks were typical, onboarding, training, getting to know new people and more training. For the first three weeks, I shadowed the current person who was moving to a different division. I am forever appreciative of my trainer as she attempted to warn me about the person I was working under and her name was Blanca, a name I will never forget. I met and interviewed Blanca from day one, felt a good connection and the other two Tabitha and Stephen. I had no issues with Tabitha and Stephen, they were both kinds, professional and respectful during my short time.
Balanca on the other hand turned out to be someone different and when I met her in person being that my interview was virtual, that is when I got that strange feeling, that gut feeling came back and it was looking at me straight in the eye.
What I was told about her came to be true, that she was someone who didn’t like mistakes, hard to work with although she would often act like she cared, wanted to see me succeed, work with me was not true at all as by June, when I officially came on board as her Assistant PM she often went to my manager and complained about my work even thought I was still training and then eventually she would lose patience with me and make comments to me threatening my job, putting me under great stress.
I was a nervous wreak , going home unable to sleep, full of depression and anxiety as IT WAS IMPERATIVE I FEEL SECURE IN MY JOB. Sorry to yell but that to point out how important this is. I often read and read about how to deal with this type of situation, often I would read that its normal to feel this way in a new job, out of place, normal to have people get angry, lose patience, threaten one’s position, but I had NEVER experience nothing like this before. The positions I have always held I was given time, patience, kindness to learn my job and this time I was not.
Long story short on July 8th, I was reached out by my contractor contact who had just come back from a month vacation in Singapore that he had spoken with Tabitha, Stephen and Blanca and Blanca was unhappy with my performance wanting to possibly get rid of me, but agreed to put me on a PIP plan (Performance Improvement Plan) for 60 days and after that they would decide what steps to take next.
I stood my ground and said NO and that I didn’t feel right, and it was not right being placed on one having only been on the job the only 1 month. I was embarrassed, upset and was given a day to think about if I would agree. The next day I decided and again stood my ground and at that point we parted ways, I was done and gone. After this I was filled with even more anxiety, depression, thinking if I made the right choice, that maybe I could have stuck it out, dealt with Blanca, and went from there, something I wish I would have done, but I saw what was happening.
It was that same week I had gotten an email from the company I am at NOW that they were interested in interviewing me as I had turned down interviewing back in April. In June I had reached out to the recruiter interested in the position I applied for but didn’t hear anything until July 11th, yes I remember the day because it was convenient, so perfect in timing, it was GOD and I give him the credit. From there the rest is history interview went great with two of my current managers, one has left the company named Emy and two Director/Managers who are still with the company.
I started September 5th and I can honestly say the experience has been night and day as with my current company onboarding was wonderful, the people wonderful, the experience great as I was treated with kindness, respect, professionalism and has been that way until today. The minor con is I took a 10% pay cut from the company I got laid off from in March and I believe that is because I am working in a new industry, but doing similar work like I did back in March. I now work as a hybrid employee currently 4 days in office , 1 day at home and eventually once I hit my 1 year mark, I can work 2 days at home, 3 in office.
Its not so much of a shock as I used to work in the office five days a week, but I do miss fully remote. I have grappled with anger to this day and I guess what I have been most angry about is those who I thought were my colleagues were anything but never hearing from any of them.
Yes I have my family to support me but its nice when those who say I care, your important don’t follow through. Again I should be used to people forgetting about me, ignoring me, mistreating me, but I always hope for the best in people and are always disappointed.
Why do I bring this up in a new year’s message, because this is the year that reshaped my perspective, This is the year I felt broken, with no control over the situation. Although I have been without a Job before, laid off, fired, but this time is different. As I get older it becomes more difficult obtain good employment as ageism is a major hurdle for myself and others. This was the year my mental state was stretched to the point that I was looking for a way out, meaning suicide, death.
Many would say that is not necessary, its just a job, you’ll get another job, no need to kill yourself for that. But like I said I am the supporter of my family and when I cannot support my family, I fail them and when I fail them what use do I have for them. Unfortunately, if I was to off myself now my family who is not financially secure so I would need to wait as I don’t want to over suffer with my loss and financial insecurities.
I am sure and hopeful next year will be better, I put this year behind me and I will say our family as my wife suffered too greatly with my job loss, her worry, her anxiety and even getting Palsy in May which took about 30 days to get remotely better.
Now I just need to let go of what I gave up this year, the mistakes I made, the loss of more money but I did gain too like a great work environment, great coworkers, stable environment where many of my colleagues are with the company 5,10, 15, 20, 25 and beyond years in the company which is encouraging as long as I don’t screw it up or they don’t have lay offs and I am cut again, I do not think I can take that again. This year I even made plans to give myself five years of life left, which I still plan of keeping unless something changes over the years.
I want to enjoy 2024, I want to see my family grow, change and be happy, but again things tend to stick with me and this will stick with me for long time, just the thought of it makes me sad and angry again.
For those who have had a year or years that make its mark, I want to believe we get a fresh start in the new year. Each day is a new start, a new job is a fresh start, so I remember that the people I work with today don’t know me, I have a chance to build new friendships, relationships. I have some optimism left in hoping for the best as I continue to grow in my career, and I believe only GOD knows my plan and to him I am right on schedule.
I know GOD is in control. GOD Knew I would lose my Job this year, but he had and has a plan for me, I just need to trust him more and I do, but I am still a weak human. I pray the new year brings you and your family’s prosperity and if their hardships and there will be at times, don’t give up, look forward to each day and know what is truly important and what is not.
Often, we pay way TOO much attention to the things that don’t matter. People will come and go in our life, Companies could care less about you and I we are just numbers on a spreadsheet, but at the end of the day we have control over our reactions, how we think and what we do with our time, which is why I need to STOP worrying, roll with the punches and deal with it and that my mental health, physical health is worth it. I know that is easier said than done as many have far worse problems than I do, but these problems are all I can take right now.
Wishing everyone a great new year, I am sure it will be a real kicker, like a real kick in the teeth but hopefully not.
Joe Meyers Adventures 