I often think about those who struggle with their mental health daily, those who work so hard each day to just keep it together, and how many are just on the verge of throwing in the towel. I don’t think many feel the way we do about our lives. I believe that most experience the blues, bouts of sadness and depression but nothing that stops them in their tracks like many of those who struggle.
The Thought of Death
For myself, I think about death almost daily, about my way out and some may think, well you must have a pretty horrible life and I will say NO. I have a wife and daughter, work for a great company, also teach college part-time, but what gets me is all the responsibilities in this life especially in California, where I typically don’t have much at the end of each month, sometimes nothing left.
Nothing to Show
My viewpoint is I have been working for over twenty years and I have nothing to show for it, I have not moved up in the way that I thought I would have. When I look at others who are especially younger than me far more successful in their careers, I can help to feel envious, feel as a failure in this life and failure as a provider, father and husband, which leads me to the path to what is the point of living.
Society Thrives as I Fail
I also look to society as it appears many are getting rich, living their best life, showing me my true insignificance I truly do believe and have for many years that people are just better without and although I hope that one day I will think differently, that one day I will say I am wrong.
I have failed too much in this life, I have had too many setbacks and I get life is not fair, not perfect, that we live in a broken world, a broken country and state. One would think by even bothering to keep up with what the world wants. I feel conflicted at times because I am a believer in GOD, in Lord Jesus and my thinking goes against what the bible says, because I am a weak man, I am broken.
I’m okay with Death
Sadly, I smile at the thought of ending my life one day, not for the fact that I am leaving behind my family, but in hopes of leaving them a better life of less worry about me, more freedom to live their lives and more money, a completely fresh start of someone who just brings people down.
This is where it may get a little stranger with my thinking as I think when I complete the job of passing on, I think about the afterlife. Now as a Christian and a believer I would go to Heaven and yes, I understand there is debate that I would not go to Heaven, but straight to hell because what I did was a sin, which is taking my life, but I believe when we give our lives to Jesus and we commit this act, God does take out salvation back.
My Soul Has a Home
I do not fear death as death is a natural part of life and I get many may say, well that may be true but I wanted to live a long life into my older age, so I could one day see my children grow up, have grandchildren, experience those incredible life moments and I agree I too would love to see that, but what is point of living like that poor, destitute without an ability to thrive in ones life of having what is needed to be okay. I get it we as people want to live,
I think about the homeless, many who live dismal existence on the street and frankly I do not understand why one would wish to live like that. I understand no one wants to be homeless, but how can someone who is homeless still wish to live. Maybe those who are homeless gave up on trying to keep up with this life and said they are perfectly content being free on the streets, living in the elements with no money, little food, or shelter and being susceptible to drug use and violence.
Better Off
I think if I was too die, would me dying before my time cause my spirit to stay here on earth, until some point in time I could move on, I think greatly about that as there is a spiritual world that exists. I think if my spirit was to stay behind, would I be able to see my wife and daughter and make contact with them and be apart of another world that exist beyond our own, I find that interesting and worth the ticket of dying.
I know many will say well don’t you wish to see your daughter grow up and be there for your wife, what kind of many wants to just leave them by dying. Again I believe the loss of me will eventually surpass and they will move on to live their lives which is what I expect them to do yes I know it wil be hard at times, but in time it will get easier.
No Plans for Now
Now don’t worry I am not planning anything today or tomorrow, more like five to ten years from now and there are certain factors that could change this outlook such as if things get better financially for myself and family, if my career moves in better directions.
One thing is for sure, my writing will hopefully live on as in my books, which once I am gone wish for my daughter and family to have control over the rights so they can do something with it so I can become the next Toiken turning my books into movies and television, making my family a large fortune to live a much better existence, you see to me it’s about the quality of life they live, not my own.
It is hardbreaking that the suicide rate in our country (U.S.) has risen as the statistics are about 800,000 since 2000, with the higher percentage being Male. Could all of these be mental health related, its hard to say and I believe many think because one ends their life it could be because of mental health, but it could be economic, financial, family-related and a variety.
I remember a story of an elementary school principal by the name of Christopher Christensen who leaped off the Disneyland parking garage in December 2022. The man had been arrested due to arguing with his then fiancé or spouse, as she claimed he hit her, but he did. He was arrested and then released, then his employer put him on leave why they investigated the claims. I suspect he lost hope in getting his position back at 51 years of age and the stress was too much, jumping and dying instantly.
What is True Happiness
I get money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure does help. Would I even think of ending my life, if I had a million in the bank or $500,000 probably not, but when you have very little, or you live paycheck to paycheck, these things haunt me. Also please spare me , well you need to learn to save, you need to cut down your costs, like what, like Rent, like food, like basics. Oh and for those who say well move somewhere cheaper, not in California unless I live in the sticks of some part of California no on wants to live, nah and moving out the state is not a financial option, trust me I have heard it all and thought of it.
I don’t expect, most to agree with me or understand my thinking, as many have said I should talk to a therapist and I say for what, so they can tell me my thinking is wrong. Are they going to be pay my rent, buy my food, make sure my family is okay…No I didn’t think so. I am not saying therapy is worthless, but often times it’s a trick of the mind, to believe and to at times disillusion ones self from the reality of how I am living right now. I am working towards getting better, but when will my relief come, when will I have peace as I have not had peace for years and I am tired.
I appreciate those who listen and may not agree, but you listen to my rants and my struggling mind and soul, hopefully none of you know the feeling, but if you do, then maybe you do what I do is hope tomorrow is better, but it could be worse and although I am not advocating to go jump off a bridge, just make sure you are confident in where your soul is going, heaven or hell makes a huge difference.
Lastly remember there are many who walk among you like myself, that one day may be there last day, so be kind to your fellow human.
Joe Meyers Adventures 