September is National Suicide Prevention Month and it’s especially important for those who have lost friends or loved ones to suicide.
This month opens the discussion to those who are struggling, a discussion, a conversation that may change someone’s life. One should look at the warning sides of suicide.
No one person is alike and one who things of suicide doesn’t necessarily mean they are mentally ill, it could be they are struggling with challenges they are unable to control or fix like financial matter, health matters and other personal matters.
For Most the thought of suicide doesn’t cross their mind, because most want to live, but there are those who struggle, who think about it, but there are signs such as:
- Talking about wanting to die wanting to kill oneself
- Talking about feeling empty, hopeless or having no reason to live
- Talking about feeling trapped or that has no solutions
- Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain.
- Talking about being a burden to other
- Withdrawing from Family and friends
- Giving away important possessions
- Saying goodbye to family and friends
- Putting affairs in order, such as making a will or arranging home and financial logistics
- Taking great risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast or using drugs and alcohol more often
- Displaying extreme mood swings
- Planning or looking for ways to acquire lethal weapons, stockpiling pills or purchasing a gun.
- Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
Sadly, many of these above are what I experience and honestly, I never used to be like this. I have always struggled with mental health concerns going back to high school as lived in a verbally abusive home. As I grew old, I managed, but depression never goes away.
Today I experience these symptoms because I have had great uncertainty for myself and my family, such as Job losses, financial challenges and being able to properly support my family.
Yes, we have a roof over our head, food on the table, but that’s a challenge. Its difficult for me as I watch the parade go by as I watch others have great success in their careers, families and have the simple things I want for my family like a family vacation but cant.
I know my struggles are not uncommon, but for me its so much more magnified as these are personal failures that look me in the face each day as I plan my exit strategy all along thinking my family is just better off without me, at least with out me they could have a more financial support and have a sense of peace in their life. I get it they won’t have peace at first with me gone, or my other family.
The hard truth is no matter how often friends, family and colleagues tell me how important I , how valuable I am, I don’t see it. It’s not that I think they are lying to me, but I don’t believe because frankly I look at myself each day and I see no one special.
I believe that’s where the main struggle is that you can tell someone you care about them and love them, but if we don’t believe it then what’s the point. Many do suffer in silence, cry at night, during the day and stay silent because most don’t want to burden people with our heavily load and from my experience many just don’t want to hear it, they just walk about, even unwilling to listen, so I gave up even trying.
Its difficult speaking to my wife about how I feel and she knows, and assures me we will be okay, but at the end of the day, I can only think of how little I offer her life and how she deserves so much better then a broken man, and daughter who deserves a father who can give her the life she deserves. In my eyes its all about what the deserve, which is the best and I have failed to provide that despite me working hard.
Lastly there is an incredible stigma against speaking about mental health that one is labeling unstable, crazy, nuts, so many different words and shunned for be honest. e
Thank you for all those who listen, keep me in your thoughts and prayers! I try to live day by day, but its difficult when I think about the future of my family and where they will be as if I attempt to see the future,
Joe Meyers Adventures 