This week, I had the pleasure and honor of taking my daughter Mikaylah who is 11 years old to her first concert, an Alternative rock band called the Wallows (Wallows – Wikipedia). A Group that orientated in Los Angeles started in 2017, signed to record deal in 2018. I had never heard of this group before, which is not uncommon being that I am creature of habit listing to my old favorites, metal, rock, 80’s and 90’s and 2000’s. The music is light and has good rhythms and catchy tunes.
The concert takes place on September 12th at the Kia Forum, which was formally the Great Western Forum. A place I am familiar with once saw The Red-Hot Chili Peppers at the By The Way tour on October 11, 2003.
The Wallows consisting of band members Dylan Minnette, Braeden Lemasters and Cole Preston. The opening act was performed by a singer called Benee, which I thought was entertaining.
This experience was unlike anything I had experienced, although having been to concerts in my youth like Bon Jovi at the Have a Nice day Tour, Shania Twain, George Michael and other concerts that included different artist mostly apart of the KIIS FM radio station like Jingle Balls and Wango Tango, which we would go with my mother for the most part. Oh and I cant forget Gwen Stefani at her Harajuku Lovers Tour at the Hollywood bowl.
I have always loved music and the musical experience growing up and glad to see my glad appreciation of music. The Wallows tickets were purchased by my sister Jennifer as a Christmas/Birthday gift last year.
The Kia Forum, having not been there a very long time, appeared for the most part the same, but what was different was the experience. The parking lot filled with mostly young women, and men too in the age range of 14-30 for the most part. Standing around these young people, I couldn’t help to observe the new generation of adults, many of which are generation Z’s and Alphas, coming from my generation X.
Generation X raised a new breed of children much different then myself, almost shocking to me at first as I look around mostly women, who I found to be severely out of shape, obese and seemed to have great fluidity. The young women, dressed scantily, but many just dressed sloppy. I know my observation seems judgmental and harsh and many might say who am I to judge, am I perfect and no I am not perfect, I am overweight myself, but these are much younger people who have developed poor habits.
I remember when I was around the age of this young adults 24-28, remembering my own youth as this was a time of great struggle for me as I searched often for friendships and love, rejected mostly for the most part. I reason I bring this up is because I looked around at this concert and found that many of the young men who were much larger than men, appearing to have found love themselves, accepted for who they are, despite their human physical flaws.
Reminded How FAT I AM
I was ALWAYS reminded how FAT I was, how disgusting I was because I was overweight and fat and rejected by women. These women they were not special, average women with average intelligence. While myself I was educated, with a bachelors and master’s and somewhat successful at this age, but was undesirable.
What was painful too was that younger people seemed to be more accepting of their bodies, due to toxic body positivity movements that have taken place over the years. Back at this age, I couldn’t find a girlfriend yet alone to have a girl just look at me, desire me, appreciate me for who I was, this was and is very painful to think about. Even though I am married today with a wife who loves me, that rejection hit me deep and scared me for life.
Due to this rejection I grew to hate myself, my body, feeling grotesque, which is one of the reasons I felt I spiraled out of control mentally, leading to one of the reasons I attempted to take my life.
Sitting in row 15, upper level sitting at the top with no one sitting behind us, which was nice, the view was not bad. Sitting with my Mikaylah, Jennifer, myself and Delia (Wife/Mother). Being the people watcher myself, a very large women sat next to me, large thighed women with a man, mostly likely her boyfriend, but I saw no signs of affection, they mostly just sat and watched.
But looking around, there where a group of women who sat in front of us, large, obese women who were friends, having a good time. They were not the only ones as there we many younger people who struggled to walk to and down the steep steps carrying more weight than I would prefer or recommend. One would say why do I care, let people live their own lives, let people be who they want to be.
Body Positivity has ruined a generation
I get the argument, if people are happy as are, fat and all, what do I care, its not my body, not my life and all valid arguments. I think about how we as society became so less concerned about obesity and unhealthy lifestyles, when unhealthiness was cramped down my generations throat which most likely led to many people hating fat people, overweight people, causing harm, mental harm to people like me who never saw themselves good enough to be loved.
There was also something important I realized at this point too, seeing people living their lives and that I had wasted my youth. At that age especially when I was 27 years old, when I attempted to end my life. My life has gotten better and worse over the years, I did find love, having my daughter who I love, but when I look at my daughter, I never want her to feel the way I do, rejected. Humans and people are quite cruel to each other. Why was it so hard for someone to just spend time with me, I don’t know but I tried greatly.
I am thankful I did get to experience this with my daughter, she had a great time , a great memory that she will never forget. Although my experience was not the best because frankly I could not even stand due to the large women, going into my lane, preferring to sit down and making attempts to watch the big screen, but in reality I was not there for me, it was for Mikaylah and her joy, mission accomplished.
This concert surely changed my perception, by beliefs in a way as I reflected on my own life, who would have thought a concert could do that as I see what a waste of life I had in my youth and how I had failed at those ages with no friends, lonely, searching for love and rejected, a painful remainder of this concert.
I also realized that many of those in the sea of crowds looked happy, something I wish I could have experienced at their age and even today, as I fall slowly in despair each day, knowing that I can never go back to those days.
Looking back to past can be painful, full of regrets, this concert will be a reminder of that.
Joe Meyers Adventures 