As a writer, something I will call myself simply because of not only my love for writing but my love for reading and knowledge. For those following my blog, you will see and be a part of my Weekly features of writings from my childhood past. Reflecting on my life as a writer, I stopped for many years, but over time I never really stopped as I tended to write about business, leadership, efficiency things that in all honesty are not the most exciting topics to read.
I guess I stopped writing fiction for the same reason many of us stop doing something lack of time, lack of interest, not motivated, stress, probably a list of of reasons one stops things. I guess one of the reasons I have stopped many things is time, the start of a family, the stress of trying to keep things together at times. Being a father and provider is by far one of the hardest roles anyone can have, which this role is a lifetime role and not for the faint of heart.
Tough Times Shape You
Going through young adulthood was tough enough as it is, especially my twenties were horrible to me as a struggle to find my place especially after college. I didn’t get much help sad to say, it had a lot to do with the people or the lack thereof people in my life throughout those years. I was particularly shy, quiet and an introvert and tack on the depression, anxiety and always the sense that I was not good enough in anything I did. It didn’t help growing up with a grandfather who told me how worthless I was each day until the day I moved out. Growing up like that completely destroyed my motivation for any attempt at bettering my life.
Even going to college(s), yes you read that right, I went to a few, but graduated one college, but I was searching for something. I was searching for a better life, but what many don’t explain to you early in life is that most of what you want to accomplish takes time and there rarely is a quick fix to getting that great position or making a great money, which many of us equate to being successful, because who doesn’t love money, we could rent an apartment, buy great clothes, buy a great car, get in to a relationship and spoil that person with good things. You can see from what I wrote I still equate money to happiness, even though the old adage that “Money doesn’t buy happiness” and for the most part it doesn’t, how many times do we see the wealthy take their lives, even though they live the dream of what many wish for including me.
I am Just not Good Enough
I guess a good part of my life even today is that I look at others success as a barometer my success and failures constantly evaluating those around me, asking myself the question, why don’t have what they have, I am intelligent, hardworking, wise in my own right, I have what it takes to succeed but never really getting the chance. Again I am still an introvert so many people tend to equate those people as not leadership material, for those who read this may not agree because some of you may be introverts and are leaders, most likely because my only did you work hard, but someone saw how special introverts can be once you give them a chance to shine.
Again I am observer, a judger of situations in my life always trying to piece together why I am treated a certain way, Why others treat those in my life better whether it’s a co-worker, a friend, a family member, always observing. If you were ever to meet me I hope I come across pleasant and kind, but somewhat awkward in the way I constantly observe people, but ultimately it’s my way of evaluating you and your character, something I find incredibly important. For example over the course of being married, there have been many people who I have come into our life who I immediately could see major character flaws that ultimately destroyed my feelings keeping them in my life.
Everyone’s Failure and Success
Why am I saying all of this you ask, why do you care, you live your life and I live mine simple as that right? Well yes and no, we are here to learn from each other, grow with each other as human beings, and although we live many times in a complete upside-down world, we must always evaluate ourselves, perfecting ourselves the best way we can, but learning, growing, learning some more, removing those habits that make us flawed. Some flaws are perfectly fine, but others destroy us from being the true potential we can become.
I know deep down I have so much more to be in this life, as a Writer I write the story I want to live in and hope those who one day read my books live through my books to, knowing someone out there knows how they feel and can relate.
Coping In Your Own Way
Living this life I have had to learn to cope with the hard times like many, I do that in a few different ways, one is writing which again I can write characters into existence and create a story out of thin air, something hopefully unique, I honestly feel we all have this ability but many just don’t have the interest and discipline to sit down and write a piece of literature, a story, a poem, I take great brainpower to think in that manner, when many times our minds are wrapped up in watching TV or being on social media.
The other way I cope is reading getting lost in a great book, something I know took the writer time, energy, sleepless nights struggles, pain both physical and financial at times, blood wrapped in sweat and tears in words.
Movies are another Love, certain movies have really gotten me through some tough times in my life, one of those would be Rocky, each and everyone one of those Rocky movies in some fashion helped me cope with feeling worthless, that is the power of a great character. For many you may say well its Rocky, an old character that has been around for decades, there are better characters than him and I ask you really are there more poignant characters than Rocky. Here is a character that was dirt poor, breaking fingers, winning fights that meant nothing just to survive finally getting rags to riches to rags story again, hard to beat that. Ultimately his strength continues on in every obstacle almost being beaten each time but getting up and surviving.
The Power of Music and Film Inspire Me
Lastly, Music gets me through those days of feeling inadequate, obliviously music is very powerful, but I have always loved very traditional music like Classical, Opera, Show Tunes, eighty’s and ninety’s pop and anything that will make me feel like there is a better day tomorrow. I think for all those major successes and failures in my life, music, movies, and writing has been there for me. To this day, I have to get in my car, turn on a certain tune each time which ultimately creates my mood for the day, making me feel invisible or quite the opposite on those days I have the hardest times getting through it.
You may read this and if you have gotten to the end, what was the point of this, did I waste my time reading this and the answer is NO! this was a reflection that if you get up each day and struggle to do the right thing to make it, go to work, support yourself and or your family and life is tough, NOT to give up, tomorrow is a better day even if it may not look that way. I have a wife and daughter I love and support, and will do whatever it takes until my last breath to support them, there is NOTHING I won’t do for them to survive. One of those ways is writing, hoping to turn my writing into something others will read and enjoy very soon hopefully, as I continue to work on my WIP (Work In Progress), my novel. So stay with me, get to know me because for those who stick by my side I shall not forget you.
Thank you for listening to me rant and rave this time, stay tuned for my weekly feature this weekend, story to TBA. Cheers and Peace!