This is Me, A Portrait of Me

For those who have gotten to know you know I love films and what really inspired this blog was the film “The Greatest Showman” about Barnum Bailey and the circus of entertainers and so called freaks. This story along with the music really touched home to me because of the characters who were often mistreated and thought so poorly of.

I will say many of entertainers although they were ridiculed they knew they were doing something with their life and did not have a lot of choices at the time and if research life in the Circus you will see many of characters in the film resemble true real life people who struggled to survive.

One particular song called “This is Me” inspired me because of the mistreatment and how they realized that they were Not going to be afraid and live their life. Something I have tried to do and wish I had a film like this in my younger years.

I often think about what defines me as a person and who I am, thinking on last days on earth what do I hope to be remembered for. For those out there, some of you don’t know me, my thoughts, my feelings towards issues and how I live my life. We as people have many different layers to who we are, I believe we as people are complex, even on the outside we may seem simple.

Growing up I had a complex childhood which is where It began to form my complexities as a human being, rarely do we grow up in a carefree environment, but if you did that’s wonderful, I didn’t have that privilege. Many of you have read parts of who I am, here I am just going to be more defined. Some of which I say you may not like, but respect that I respect you, no judgement from me and hope you feel the same towards me.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ

First and foremost, I am a Christian man, but you may see that some of writings are NOT Christian based, you never hear me speak about Jesus or the Bible and those who read this may feel like I am denying my faith and I am NOT. I just chose to not talk about my faith, religion and even politics because I have found those topics to be controversial.

Yes, I said it Jesus who which I love and adore can be a hard person to talk about because, the moment you start, people shut down. I am believer in people getting to know me first and then displaying my faith. I am not a perfect Christian, because there are NO perfect Christians.

Even the word Christian is no longer accurate because many people throw that term around a lot. I see it the media, news and really everywhere, a true Christian is  a follower of Jesus and practices what he Practices which is Love Thy Neighbor, Devote your Life to Christ, be Christ Like and knowing that Jesus died for our sins.

I know there is so much more to speak about, but often times many people associate Christianity with Hate because those who called themselves Christian Hated people and did pretty horrible things to their fellow man and women.

But I digress, Christianity I guess has been always apart of my life, first going to a catholic church and then becoming a believe in 2008 and that’s when my life started to turn around for the better, I was a real mess before that. I has never into drugs or alcohol, but destructive to have I treated myself with Hate at times. Being told I was worthless by my grandfather from a young age until really my adult years. 

My mother was my main rock at times, my defender from his abusive ways, but the same time she took a bullet for me and my sister at times because we lived with him.  But anyways Christianity is apart of me, going to church, listening to the word of God and trying to bring those principles in my life each day.

I am a Father and Husband

I was Married October 2, 2010 and my Daughter Mikaylah Born January 2013, both the loves of my life, two who have changed my life forever and forever grateful to have in my life. Aside from them I have my father, Sister and Brother in Law, who I love too and that’s pretty much it. I devote most of time to keeping my family going, surviving trying to help us be better people.

Being Married has probably been the biggest challenge only because I was never really in relationships prior to meeting my wife and I also didn’t live on my own. I wish I had at least learned to be a little more independent after college, but much of my twenties I was suffering through deep depression, so I lived at home with my father, and then my mother and grandfather until I got married. I won’t lie being married is one of the hardest roles I have ever faced next to being a father, being the sole provider and try to give them everything we need and want at times.

Financially I have struggled the most since what many don’t tell you when you get married and have a child is how expensive it will be and how it can be hard to keep things together.

My wife stayed home for the most part and took care of our daughter which did make it harder, but our daughter is better for it I think because we didn’t put her in childcare and pay that high cost.  

I am not a perfect husband or father, I have had to struggle with managing my emotions at times due to high stress I was under usually working two Jobs, one full time and One part time at the College and One time working as a Lyft driver.

I have basically tried to do whatever it took to provide and as a father and husband am willing to do anything for them, working three jobs if I have too and actually attempted to do that.

At the end of the day, I am the one who has to live with if I am a good father and husband, even though I am human, I make mistakes and I know there things I do today I am trying to work on, but I feel I have been a good provider, we are not rich, times we struggle, but we survive.

I am a writer

As many of you are already aware, I write, I write fiction, I write what interests me and what I think will interest readers. I feel I have always been a writer from age 10, but just stopped for many years.  Writing now is where I intend to take myself professionally if doors open for me and If I good enough for mainstream, but it’s to say with all the competition out there today. Writing has allowed me to really take all of my thoughts and put them in a format where I can share those with everyone.

Currently I just finished my first draft of my book, still need to edit it, have beta readers and finally try to query it for an agent, if not I will try other routes.  Writing is an ongoing process for me as I fine tune my skills. I am an avid reader which does help in my writing skills, as this another part of who I am constantly wanting to learn.

What I hope to accomplish in my writing is to continue to build my blog of great content, working with NeedtoLive Blog to get those blogs out to students and really try to be a role model writer that people can come to for advice, one day.

I have a Political Side to Me

The political side I don’t necessary like to characterize but I guess I am closest to a democrat, but truly I don’t know, because I have never really followed politics. I do get angry with the world of politics both for republicans and democrats, who both seem to get their act together as they fight and bicker and really don’t represent the values I value. I value the following:

Treating people humanely, especially immigrants because my wife is Salvadorian and not caging people like animals. I believe if you are going imprison people, they should not be treated like cold blood murders, these are trying to have a better life for themselves and family.

Being that my wife is a Naturalized citizen, it’s sad to see the horrors of people who are fleeing violence and survival for a better life, something any one of us who do. I hate the argument, oh well if they came here legally it would better. Well yeah, but unfortunately with the Visa lottery, many of those struggling who never get here, because truly that system is crooked for those fleeing poverty and violence.

I see every day we are not the only country dealing with this issue especially in Europe, they struggle with the same issue of people trying to survive. 

Another part wants to help the less fortunate like the homeless and especially homeless veterans who I feel have been left behind when they served our country but our forgotten.  I find that many needs helps and it should not begrudged those who are just looking to better their lives, I hear to often the argument why I should I help others, I pay my taxes that’s enough. Its enough until those same people need help and expect to be helped when they coldly didn’t want to help those in need.

I seems like the things I mentioned are too much to ask especially treating people with dignity when they struggle, something all of us want and need. No person is perfect, yet we as people like to shove our unrighteousness down people’s throats.  Stop the hate, accept people for whoever they are and where they come from and live you life, but that seems too hard to for many, as others have to meddle in those peoples life we don’t understand.

Put our differences aside for a moment and come to solutions that help build people up for better instead of trying too often to tear people down. I know we all have our wants to the perfect Political system, but it will never be perfect but we can try to get pretty close if we work together.

Work together like we were taught in school, even though we have different views, cultures, beliefs, we were able to make a decision together which seems unlikely in today’s political climate where NOTHING get done and people are truly suffering.

Politics has become very divisive in this country as many no longer really look at facts but what is being told to him by the media or online, without proper research. That is why I fail to believe everything unless I research it myself. In today’s culture it has become us versus them and them are fellow human beings.

Since rejoining Twitter, which I had account many years ago but cancelled it due to the hate that was spreading online, I could not take that anyone. It doesn’t seem to have changed much as the Hate has magnified to great proportions and people are no long accountable to what they say, as if free speech gives people the freedom to spread hate and lies.

I am a generation who didn’t have computers and the internet until mid nineties so I lived happily without. I am more concerned for my daughter who will grow up with tech even more so.

I do believe we live in a great country, not perfect, but still fairly new in our democracy compared to other countries who have centuries on us, but we will not get anything done until we work together, stop the hate and bitterness and really work for what the people of the United States and do their job. I may not understand what goes on in the world of politics, but it appears inaction is what happens the most.

Where Am I going?

Each year is like a new journey for me and I get older, wiser and more handsome (jk). I have seen myself grow angrier at times over the fact that I wish I had greater professional success earlier in my life, but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. I hope I have a long life ahead at least to one day retire and live a life of leisure. I hope to write many books in my life time and it would be a dream to write professionally, but we shall see where my writing takes me. I believe I am doing more than most with my blog(s) and my novel which hope to be done by next year some time and than turn it into a blockbuster movie.

Ultimately I want to love more, love people more even when they are unlovable and that is really hard but a must as a follower of Christ. As a follower the most disheartening thing I see is people who say they are followers of Jesus turn a blind eye to people who are being treated so poorly. I am sorry but you can not say you a follower and accept those things, accept what a government official says or people in Congress.

I tend to get off topic at times, but I look to raise my family, make them better people each and continue being a provider as long as I can. Deep down I am tired, I feel like I have working a lot for the last few years. I feel like the moment Bilbo Baggans is speaking with Gandalf the grey about how tired he is like bread scrapped to much, looking for an adventure and off he goes.

I am going on my adventure now, please continue to join me, get to know me and thank you as always.

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