During this time of year, the holidays. I often think about the amount of grief and sadness people are going through. I believe that this is time when suicides are at the highest levels as many go through this time of year feeling lonely as they look around who appear to be happy, have happy lives.
I tend to go through this today, as I begrudgingly go to the mall or the store for Christmas shopping I look at the people, their faces, their body language, how they spend, what they buy. Looking at their faces I see happiness, sadness, frustration, worry. I wonder what some of these individuals go through, if they will be alive in future years.
During this time of year, people are spending, giving and going to debt, some more then others, put themselves in financial harm. Now I get that many spend this time of year because frankly this is this the time when people tend to spend making up for the year. In the United States we are full of consumerism, spend, spend, spend and then in January we feel the effects. Now some may prepare for this time of year, but many cannot.
Many will attempt to get past this month, many have not been able to and have called it quits, finding that there is no reason to tis the season to be Merry, even if watching all the Christmas classics may help but usually wont. One of films I find great solace in is Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol. Having watched the films, story a true reminder of how the human spirit struggles and how there have been no shortness of people who go without as Crachit and Scrooge display that perfectly. Another film that displays the importance of life especially during the holidays is Its Wonderful Life.
Although I have been provided for in my childhood and into my adulthood, I know what It means to want and need, although not to the extreme of others who are homeless and without food.
Money doesn’t buy happiness which is true, but it does give you options to get help like seek therapy, get proper medication and eat and live better, this all helps.
Recently there have been some very public suicides in the media, one specifically is Stephen Boss, Ellen DeGeneres DJ died by suicide on December 13th, 2022.
A man I had no knowledge of prior to his death but that is simply because I do not watch Ellen and or follow the dance world. This man appeared to have money, fame, a family who loved him and was in film and Television. Just today saw an article that Cmdr. Robert Ramirez III, 47 died by suicide, who was decorated navy seal commander.
Lastly recently in a nearby town of Anaheim, California, a suicide at the Disneyland parking structure by the name of Christopher Christensen.
These are just a couple examples but per the CDC are is 1 death per 11 minutes due to suicide. Here is where this information is from : Suicide Data and Statistics | Suicide | CDC. This number is astounding and very sad.
I personally know what it means to have attempted many years ago, I obliviously did not succeed, it just so happens my sister came home at that exact moment, saying she was feeling ill. I was hospitalized for about two weeks after my 72 hour hold was done. I believe these feelings of depression developed over childhood, a childhood filled with verbal abuse from my grandfather, divorced parents and being overweight and bullied. Over years my self esteem stay low, feeling I could and would never amount to anything .
After graduating college I was lost, had no direction of where I wanted my life to go and received no guidance from family and friends, I really was alone although I lived at home seeking help. Over the course of my life since 02/07/07, I have gotten married , had a child, live and work, pay bills like anyone else.
I still struggle with depression at times, question my self-worth in my job and just my life. I know I am loved and not contemplating anything so no worries. But for those struggling with negative thoughts, thoughts of suicide, one should speak with someone, you are not alone.
This is where the story takes a turn, I often ask myself why is Suicide stigmatized in the media and by people. I get that we are taking our lives, a life I believe doesn’t truly belong to us but GOD. A life we had not choice in but God gave us life and we are taking it. As a follower of Jesus, I struggle with this, because I truly believe GOD does not want us to suffer, but in a way he does.
Frankly the people who truly love those who die and complete this act are their family and friends. In the end we all die. In the end time passes by , years go by and eventually that loved one you lost is almost forgotten, but people move on with their lives.
Should people live in agony and one’s agony may be nothing to most of us but something for someone else, like finding love. Its amazing how many people are searching for a loving companion, a boyfriend/Girlfriend, even a future husband and wife spending years searching. I know that was me, because honestly I just wanted someone to spend time with me, love me and accept me for who I was, but many years ago I found no one, just rejection.
There are those who suffer to get somewhere in life career wise and don’t get where they wish to go, eventually it becomes too much. Others have unrealistic ideas about money and wealth , feeling their life amounts to nothing without those zero’s in their bank account.
Thinking of those people, we look at those who have everything we want, money, wealth, fame, attractiveness , a so to speak beautiful life, but often items in the end those who have that don’t appreciate and value what they truly have. Often you will find those who have nothing sometimes literally the happiest. We all have and want things that make us personally happy in this life.
One the relationship I have today that has kept me going is GOD, more specifically Jesus. But sadly I have seen today is Pastors who should have the strongest relationship with Jesus die by suicide, like Jarrid Wilson a Harvest Church Pastor who also led a minister on mental health.
In addition a lead pastor by the name of Andrew Stoecklien. No man or women is immune to depression, to anxiety to committing such acts, its all tragic.
Know life is not perfect, most will not live a life of a celebrity, life of a millionaire and billionaire, remember there are around 8 billion people on this earth. 8 Billion souls who are searching for meaning, the meaning lies with those in our life like family and friends. You may say well I don’t have any friends or family, I am alone. You are never truly alone, GOD is there, he has not forgotten you, he loves you. You may say well I am not really a church person, I don’t believe in the politics of church, the hypocrisy of those followers. The truth is most if not all of people are hypocrites, no man or women is perfect. Despite the look of a persons perfection, they are not perfect, Only GOD is perfect.
During this time of year, if you are feeling down and out, worthless, remember you are not, you have value even if people are not around to tell you. But if you decide to take the dreadful act of suicide , I just want to say I am sorry your soul is so sad, that humanity has failed you in showing you kindness and love.
If you do decide to take this act, please let others know why, especially those you live behind, don’t leave leaving loved ones in despair blaming themselves. Those who are left behind may truly not know why, if they are to blame or if you suffered in silence which you shouldn’t.
I get we live in a rotten world and its only getting worse especially if you look at the politics of our countries today, the greed, the hate and hypocrisy but at the end of the day our government, our jobs, our co-workers could care less about our wellbeing, they have no skin in the game of our lives, but our mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, they have real skin on our lives, the ones who love us, who love you.
We truly don’t know what others struggle with, be kind, be generous to those around us. We are all just trying to get by this life. Give yourself a break and know that everything it will be ok, not perfect, but you have control to do things in your life.
Don’t allow those around you to bring you down, bring down your spirit but know you are unique and special with your own set of talents and gifts unlike anyone else.
Lastly if you are having thoughts of suicide and self-harm please speak with someone, in the U.S. you can dial 988 and or 911 for emergency.
Have a blessed and safe new year, Don’t drink and drive, call a ride share if you are going out. May you have a blessed 2023.
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