I often think about death and some of you may read my posts and some may seem kind of dark and I understand that, because I do think dark thoughts at time.

For some reason a thought as been nagging at my mind, which why is it that society finds suicide wrong and in Christian beliefs sinful. I get that when one commits suicide they are taking their lives in their own hands and ending it and from a Christian perspective we are taking our lives which don’t belong to us but to GOD. There are many arguments I struggle with because I think about the many that do commit suicide every day, feeling this is their only choice and many times its they last option as they have fought life to be happy, to survive and for so many reasons. Suicide is personal to each person and although for many we do not know why, we tend to think well that person is just not happy with their life, they suffered with depression , maybe they were physically in pain and it was too much. 

Why should people have to suffer and Live through it

The question I often want to ask people is why should one suffer in those painful ways and keep pushing forward with life , when at the end of the day, no one truly cares that much and is wiling to help that person feel a sense of relief.

I know myself that I at times feel like a failure in this life, yes I have a family, a wife and daughter whom I love dearly, but at the end of the day I want them to be ok, be safe, have food in the stomachs, shelter and the things they need and even want. When a person feels they can no longer do that for his or her family why should they feel the need to live and suffer and watch their family suffer. I really don’t think they should and if that persons make the choice to end their life, they should be able too end it.

Often society will look at suicide with sadness and ask why and even stigmatize the person for ending their life, such as saying well that person is going to hell or that person was weak, they didn’t think of those in their life when they did. But I guarantee those are actually they people they are probably thinking of the most when the end their life.

Society is at Fault for today’s Suicides

Often times its societies fault that makes those who end their life possible, such as setting the expectation that your life will not have meaning until you have wealth, live in a nice home, this amount money in your bank account and even the type of career you . I often struggle to look even online as celebrities and the media flaunt their wealth and their vacations and money basically telling society that you are nothing unless you have what we have and by the way you will never have what we have.  One could say will just ignore those messages, block those people but unfortunately its not easy because everywhere you turn you have society throwing that your life.

On the flip side people are saying be happy, love yourself, accept yourself, spend time with your loved ones, life is short as you never know your last day. All true in a way but at the end of the day we are alone although we live on a planet of 8 billion people. 8 billion that are being told each day that are being told well if your NOT a billionaire , then you are nothing, if don’t have social status, you are garbage, if you can not influence others and make a living, they your life is worthless.

How can one complete this these messages every day, many can’t.

I am certainly not advocating to go and end it as you should at least talk to someone about how your feeling and work to resolves those feelings. But at the end of the day, this is your life and this may be the only way you will feel at peace.

Suicides are devasting but people overcome the loss and move on

Deep down yes there will be people who will be shaken and destroyed emotionally for you ending your life and will ask why, honestly tell those in your life why, give them closure, it’s the least one can do. Your family, friends and loved ones will eventually recover, although they may have a permanent scar from the loss and have survivors guilt which is not intended when people leave this world.

People are suffering each day, people have made great efforts to stop people from suicide, especially in the United States, creating Hotlines open 24 hours a day, which in our call is Dialing 9-8-8 – Basically a suicide hotline. I can only imagine all those individuals who call, text or chat with people on the edge of ending it. Maybe these hotlines stop someone from ending it, maybe it doesn’t because at the end of the day that person is truly going to see if what they don’t make a difference.

Many years ago I attempted to end my life on February 7, 2007. I was twenty eights years old, suffering with depression, low self-esteem, obesity , alone and without a job. Everything  in my life was a mess, when in reality it should have been ok. I was educated with a bachelor’s degree, working on my MBA, living at home in a dismal environment , a home full of depression and no hope for the future, so I felt it was time. Speaking with you today, as you see I am still here, but people my sister at the time came home at the exact moment I was attempting to end my life and she saved me, but in reality I believe GOD saved me as he gave her a sickness to come home exactly at that time.

My attempt did affect my family, especially my mother and my sister who has devastated to have witness me jumping off a latter hanging myself. From her account she had super human strength pushing me up and loosening the rope around my neck when I fell to the ground. Moment later ambulance and police arrived to whisk me away to the hospital for  a 72 hour hold, where I was then transferred to an outpatient mental facility. I then got out in a few weeks, began seeking therapy and medication eventually getting better, finding work, finding the love of my life, getting married, having our only daughter and here I am today.

I of course still struggle from time to time, as I was diagnosed about 20 years ago as being Bi-Polar with manic depression. I do not currently take meds, but choose to exercise, eat better and work to ease my mind on other things like writing and spending time with my family.

At the end of the day, I would do anything for my family, if it because myself or those I would choose them meaning their lives I would work to preserve instead of mine. I accept that I am going to die one day and accept that my soul will go to Heaven even if I choose to take my life one day as I know Jesus loves me and accepts me. Some of you may feel I would go to Hell but in reality the bible speaks of nothing of suicide as an unforgivable sin, because if you give your heart to Jesus you will be saved. Jesus accepts and knows we are flawed as people and when someone commits suicide and believer they are not themselves, but still gave their heart and life to Jesus. Jesus I believe to be a loving and gracious GOD and although Jesus would want us to live he understands we are flawed and full of sin. Its sinful to take ones life, but GOD is loving and accepting of us.

The reason I say this is because many people one who says they love and accept Jesus end their lives, many who are pastors , pastors who struggle like you and I making the choice to end it, I believe they are in heaven.

I know this message may seem strange in the sense of advocating to live life to the fullest, be happy and just accept the difficult times no matter how hard. That your happiness is material to staying alive even though staying alive brings you great hardship and pain.  Others will try to say well its tough for lots of people and that’s life.

The Reality is Society could care less if Your commit suicide

The reality is society doesn’t care if we die, if people end their lives. People ultimately will only care about their own existence, so again why does society make such great efforts from stopping individuals to end their life. The same argument could be those who are in right to die states as many states feel that is not morally right to ask to end your life by a medical professional even though your in great pain and terminal.  One recent case is a women who was arrested for killing her terminally ill husband, a decision they both agreed too, Here is the article: Police: Woman accused of killing terminally ill husband at Daytona Beach hospital planned shooting with spouse (msn.com)

What’s amazing is that in society rules and laws are in place but often times the laws in place meant to protect people do not and even judges overrule decisions allowing murders and killers back on the street, but when we want to choose our own death, people are not allowed to have a say.

I can understand that society should not advocate to end your end and make campaigns to kill yourself, but honestly more needs to be done for those who are vulnerable, society needs to stop half ass attempts. People I believe are hurting for many different reasons, but I believe it all boils down to how you and I treat others. I am someone who believes we should all be informed of those decisions if we decide to end our lives and know yes we are affecting people in our life, they will be hurt, scarred for life, but at the same time I believe people will understand there are whose who struggle each day to hang on to this life and cannot.

If you are experiencing depression and feel that you want to end your life, I encourage you to talk to your loved ones, a therapist and call 9-8-8 and speak with someone. Do everything in your power to make that your last and final solution.

Be well and God Bless.