What Happened to This Boy?

I often go back and look at old pictures of myself and think of myself in the sense of what happened to this little boy. The picture you see here was obviously when I was a young boy, I think I was rather cute. This boy was innocent, a clean mind and heart never wanting to hurt anyone, but often I was the being hurt.

No I was not physically or sexually abused, thank GOD, but sorry for those who were and have been. No my hurt was purely psychologically often ignored and forgotten. Although my mother is no longer around to dispute this. It was my belief my mother did her best trying to raise myself and my sister, although my father was in the picture, he was hands off to raising us, giving us wisdom and even playing with us.  My mother who worked for the school district as a teacher’s aide but the psychological hurt came from the person I refer to the devil or my grandfather, but he doesn’t deserve to be called a grandfather, an unloving, cruel man who would put me down from the age of five until adulthood, using vulgar language against me, my sister and mother each day.  One would ask why wouldn’t we just leave , live somewhere else, why because my mother frankly didn’t have a lot of financial support although I believe she could have done it, I believe she too was emotionally broken from her own life’s struggles, but she tried so hard and for the most part raised my sister and I to the best of her abilities, getting us through school, feeding us, dressing us and always having a roof over our head, but this came at a high cost living in a house of hell, tortured each day.

The boy in the picture was a sweet boy, a part of him still exists today, but he is almost gone because of life’s struggles, still feeling a sense of worthlessness. Many have said just let go it was in the past, he (The Devil) died in 2016 so why can’t I let go because my scars go deep and I don’t think I will fully ever let them go.

You see, parents forget and even those around children the powerful influence they have over the wellbeing of them, the effect they can have on their kids by how they treat them and even the people around them.

Children who are innocent grow up but that innocence never truly leaves them until people, parents, teachers, grandparents, friends break their spirit, that was me. My spirit has been broken for too long, although there are people who work to support me today like my wife, sister, daughter and father there is only so much they can do to repair my broken spirit.

I look at this picture and wonder what I would be like if those who were supposed to love me and protect me did just that. I am not referring to my mother but others who took the time to love me, teach me, treat me kindly. Many I would have been a different person, a whole person, but I am don’t feel that way.

Children truly are the future and they can do so much in this world when we treat them with love, respect and care, but sadly that is not the case as many kids are raised without care, ignored, forgotten , neglected all in the justification that parents are working, they didn’t have the time thinking their kids will be fine, they will grow up to be good people, stable minded and successful but that is not always the case.

In my case I was verbally beaten down told how worthless I was, how I would never amount to anything and of course a child who hears this believes it to be true and I did and have even today.

This boy is a reminder of innocence forgotten and how we need to protect it.