One year Ago Today Dread Came Knocking: Job loss, Despair and Regret.

February 28^th, 2023, will be an unforgettable day, as I woke up early Tuesday morning for a client meeting, checking my phone first thing at 6:30 A.M only to see my teams apps was not working, which I found to be strange, attempting to login in again, unable to.

Life Changing Email

Feeling the need to check my e-mail, seeing a dreaded e-mail from the company I had been with for almost three years with the words Layoff, Restructuring, Elimination, 9% and apologies, Human resources. I was done, cut, I was not jobless leaving me in shock, another layoff, this being the 3^rd one since 2018.

I guess in a way I expected it with all the tech layoffs that were taking place in that year and the year before. My wife and daughter still sleeping as I work up my wife telling her the news, as I contemplated if I should wake her and tell her, but I needed her kind words, to know that everything was going to be okay, but I was shaken. Reading the Email, there was a time and link to a zoom meeting at 9:40 am with HR and my manager. I was able to finally get into my work computer, because at first, I was unable to, again strange. Getting in and seeing an e-mail from the C.E.O, this e-mail.

The news spread in my work e-mail as colleagues within our team chat were saying goodbye and thanking each other for the support.  One of my co-workers reaching out to me directly, saying goodbye, but shocked to hear I was one of those let go as he was upset that I was let go. 

I did also say my goodbyes as my computer access was going to be shut down in a few hours.  Fear struck across the team’s chat as many who were not laid off were scared of what was to come for them. I said my goodbyes, took down some contact information and gave them mine and logged off for good. 

My Denial

At first, I was in denial about my job loss, thinking how this could happen, why, what did I do to deserve this, what does this seem to always happen to me, why is it I can not have the stability in my work most tend to have, what am I so worthless. 

I will say that although I was surprised, I was also looking for a change, but not like this as who wants to be forced to job search as the previous year, I was in the job search, but nothing came of it.  What did help was the severance, which I will say was okay, enough to last a few months but knew that money went fast especially with rent, bills, food, car payment so I know it wouldn’t last long. Going into the end of the month and into March, I had no idea what the year was going to turn out to be giving myself a short break of two weeks to have some time to myself, plus I had a surgical procedure on March 20^th.

I went about my life for the time being, slowly seeing what the job market looked like on LinkedIn and other sites and there appeared to be jobs, but little did I know in how bad the job market was. If I was single with no family or real responsibilities, I would have been ok, but add a wife and daughter and the pressure is on to hurry up.

Finding My Next Work Home

Was I concerned at that point, not confident I should find something, but I did begin slowly to apply knowing I probably won’t hear back for a few weeks. Applying with a few trusty companies I had a applied with in the pasted, one being the company I am at now. 

A couple of weeks went by getting a couple call backs and interviews, but nothing came of it. A short time after I got a manager reaching out to me through LinkedIn stating they may be interested seeing that I was recently laid off. It happened to have been with a company I was aware of. Thinking it would be great to get hired so quickly but in the end, I end up interviewing with two sets of interviewers, but nothing came of it.

I continued to apply and again I began to get some nibbles towards the end of March, two companies in fact and good ones. One of them, for a credit union and another for Southern California Edison. Both exciting opportunities and both interviews going well. In a matter of weeks I had a few other interviews, but two companies in the running, coming to the week of April 20^th, getting two job offers with good pay increases.

Wrong Choices and Regrets

 This is where things for me started to turn as I told both companies, I wanted those jobs but wouldn’t be starting for a few weeks due to background, giving me time to decide. I should have just told one of the companies NO and moved on but deep down I was fearful of one of the roles falling through, so I held on to them.

Indecision Destroyed Me

I could not decide, deep down I wanted the Edison position, but it was so different than my previous roles, where the Credit Union was like the type of work I was doing previously. Deep down I shouldn’t have been concerned, after all as a man of faith, I should have had more faith in GOD that he provided both roles for me and was giving me a choice. It’s not that I didn’t trust the Lord, it was I didn’t trust myself and frankly didn’t know truly what role I wanted. My mental state was not in a good place, having lost another role in a short time having had to look for a job 3 years prior.

I did decide to accept the Edison role, but I did end up burning a bridge with the credit union as I kept going back and forth on accepting and declining the role and as expected they just got tired and declined the role to me.

I attempted to move forward, be happy I had a job lined up and one with a company that I had been trying to work for and for years at that.

New Job, but not what I expected

Starting May 15^th, 2023, as a Senior Support Project Specialist, working in a hybrid role in Pomona, California, 3 days at home, 2 in the office, compared to being fully remote previously. I thanked GOD for the opportunity and prayed the new role would bring me prosperity for years to come. I did have this gut feeling that I should have stuck with the credit union, which also happened to be a Christian Credit union, an organization that aligned with my beliefs. Attempting to not overthink and be happy, starting my new role.

Gut Feelings I Ignored

The first day as if I walked on the vast building meeting great people, I still had this gut feeling as if I made a mistake. Like any new job, its new and stressful as I take on a new journey in a new environment. Overall, everyone seemed great, nice and professional.  My new manager Stephen and Supervisor Tabitha were great and then there was no colleague Blanca, a twenty-year employee project manager.

My gut feeling was not in fact the company itself but her for some reason, having interviewed with her twice virtually, she seemed nice, professional, someone I could work with but meeting her in person there was something about her. Attempting to put those feelings aside, going through origination, preparing for training. 

I began to shadow an employee who was incredibly nice, professional and patient with me, with me for three weeks and then I would be left on my own with the Project manager Balana. Three weeks came and went fast and before I know it was her right hand man so to speak, hitting meetings, reviewing agendas, getting caught up to speed on the job.

My New Hell Began

There was really no formal training, It was on me to learn the job and ask for help from those around me, which I did. It seemed soon that she begins to disagree, criticize how I was attempting to do my job, speaking directly with my manager who would then let me know, never directly telling me. The structure of my role is that she did not have the same manager I did and add to that I was considered a contractor, not an employee.

From there it went down hill as she appeared to only get worse and I never really confronted her about attitude towards me or my manager as I thought she will loosen up when I learned my role fully, but no This was who she was a hardnosed, Micromanaging Latin women. Some may thing what does her being Latin have to do with anything. Being a Mexican Immigrant, having told me she crossed the border early in her life, having fought to get to her position and that was why she was so tough, having a chip on her shoulder and an accent.

Again, some may say well what is wrong with that, nothing really but I grew to had a distaste for her, her attitude, the way she acted like I was less than and in my eyes this women forgot where she came from. Come to find out she treat most people like this, especially the people before me.  

The Final Straw

The final straw was on July 8^th, when my point of contact, the contracting company rep Ari advised me he had spoken to the client Edison and was advised they wanted to place me on a PIP plan (Performance Improvement Plan), a type of probation for 60 days.

I would be required to sign off on the probation to basically keep my job, which I found offensive, add to that I had NEVER been on a PIP plan before, so I stood my ground and didn’t wish to sign. The company unwilling to work with me, forfeiting my position. This threw me into a tales pin of despair, as I had a family to care for, bills, as I second guessed my decision but it was too late.

My Year Of No Peace

I would say from the time of unemployment throughout that time, I was unable to sleep, rest, feel peace and my mental state was getting worse. Add to that, I had several attempts to get the job at the credit union back, reaching out to them directly but those e-mails were ignored.

It was around June, I had decided to reach out to my current company ADP, who back in April wanted to interview me, but had declined due to getting a job offer already. It was at this time, the recruiter had finally reached out to me, from when I reached out in June.

They were still interested and wanted me to interview, and I agreed having my interview on July 12^th which obliviously went great, than another interview two weeks later, then finally three weeks later I got offered the Job and one cane say the rest is history having been here at ADP since September 5^th, 2023.

Onward and Upward

I look forward to the future here as everyone here as been nothing but kind, professional and not an ounce of that gut feeling I got at Edison. Financially and mentally, it will be hard to recover but I am try each day but feel I will not fully be better until later this year.

2023 will be a year I will never forget, it has scared me for a long time and many will say just move on, forget about that time and I am trying to, but I am sorry to say those mistake I made prevent me from forgetting as what really I think about is the money lost from those two earlier positions and although I am doing ok now, I did take a pay cut in my role, but there are better opportunities here and better people in my opinion. I look forward to hopefully being here many years, but only GOD knows what his plans are for my time here. 

Never Give Up!

For those who have had similar experiences in being laid off, fires, leaving jobs than you can relate. Finding a good fit is never easy but its position. Mistakes are going to happen but we must overcome those mistakes and remember life is often messy, but we have the ability to correct most mistakes and attempt to live happy, prosperous lives.

Here’s to a better year!