Celebrating 15 Years of Marriage: Our Journey Together

Today I celebrated 15 years of marriage to my beautiful wife Delia. It’s hard to imagine I have been married this long and at the same time it feels like a blink of an eye. My wife is such a hard worker, its apart of her DNA since I met her, even today as I think about her as a husband, asking myself the question have I been a good husband, a good provider, a person who has always treated her with love and respect and I’ll admit like any couple there are the ups and downs of marriage, as marriage is the most difficult kind of relationship and I believe too often people give up to go about some semblance of their former lives. Looking back before I met Delia, I was beginning to find myself, beginning my recovery from my mental breakdown and then she came along, or better yet God placed her in my life.  Our courtship was fast within 2 years of knowing each other we were married and another two years before our only daughter came along, blessing us, changing our lives forever.

It has not been easy, mostly due to my change in jobs and careers, uprooting our lives and moving in with my father in 2014 until 2018, living in what I consider to be a modern-day haunted house along with our daughter who was two at the time.  This was a time that Delia really got to see me for who I was and not necessarily in a bad way, full disclosure my complete vulnerable self. The self that if I had showed her before marriage, I doubt we would have had any relationship at all because what women would stand by a manic-depressive man. Yes, I hid that well from her, in hopes that I would wake up and be a different man.

I did and do   have optimism about being a better man, but let’s face it I was broken and had been for many years and felt that Delia would rebuild me and in a way she did until today, but I am still broken. Broken to the point that I feel I have severely failed her in the life I promised her and hoped for.

For the most part even today I have struggled financially, going through my first Bankruptcy in 2016 after my failed attempt at a career change. I was able to rebuild, but not in the way I hoped, frankly I have never had two pennies long enough to rub together, family life is expensive, and the expenses never stop. I don’t say that to place blame on my family, they are my family, my responsibility to care for, but I have failed them. We have not taken many vacations like many families do; we have not purchased that home we always wanted.

I have been on the hamster wheel of life, one life event after another, Marriage, child, work, teaching, school, paying bills and it goes on. In my heart even today, I believe she deserves and deserves better. I think that maybe before I met Delia, I was selfish to pursue her despite my flaws, but I was looking and searching for love and found it but can’t help to think where I would be today If I hadn’t pursued love, if I had just waited, would I be alive today, hard to say. I love my family, but I can’t help but look back and forward and ask myself maybe I took Delia’s chance to achieve a different type of happiness in marriage and children with someone who could give her all she deserves.

I do know that our 15 years together is an accomplishment and appreciate the love I experience each day from my family, yes, I am a blessed man and that is not lost on me. Here’s to many more years to come of marriage, always looking to the future and what God has planned for us. Here’s to the love I get to experience unconditionally from Delia.