The end of the year is a time of reflection but one should reflect every day or regularly, as we look close out 2025 and into 2026.
The tumultuous year of 2024/2025 is the biggest struggle financially as it feels as though I have had severe financial difficulties since May 2024, until about November of this year. Having personally filed Bankruptcy this year in attempt to get a fresh start.
As I write this, its difficult to even say that out of shame and what I feel others will think and say and in all truthfullness anything that anyone tells me I have told myself ten-fold.
What I have had to rediscover is my Trust in God in the Storm, an impactful message by Art Reyes of Calvary Chapel Downey on Matthew 14:22-33. The scription states:
Jesus Walks on the Water
A message on getting through the storms in Life, Jesus is there and how we can all have more faith.
As believers we (Including me) need to trust in God’s strength during difficult times and that those times are meant to perfect us. Often thinking of Pastor Jeff Johnson (deceased) and he would say that to God we are like gold, when heated taking out all the impurities, perfecting it to its beauty. Like what Jesus may do to us, through adversity to strength us, perfect us but for that to happen we must go through storms, be perfected. Although we will Never be truly perfectly, God refines us throughout our life.
Nostalgia and Reflections on Second Chances
Not sure if it’s all the Christmas films I watch that make me extra nostalgic especially the Christmas Carol and films about getting second chances at life.
Holding everything together is no easy feat, making sure the rent is always paid, food on the table, along with those nuances that come in between such as unexpected expenses and not having the funds.
This really forces me to think but ultimately forces my anxiety and depression to kick in, along with suicidal ideation which was a regular occurrence this year and although I did not intend on acting, my mind delved into the unknown of further planning my future demise.
The Impact of Societal Issues
There have been many triggers that have pushed me to a more fragile state of mind, which primarily has been the state of the country and the current administration, this has brought me incredible stress, anxiety, depression and although one could say that I may not be directly affected, just watching the state of the country especially how we have loss a sense of morality and ethics in this country and maybe as a country we have always been immoral or unethical, but it seems it has only gotten worse, especially when it comes to how migrants, people of color have been treated in this country, as if they are criminals, stripped from their families, kidnapped and shipped off into modern day prison camps, never to be heard from again, quite scary.
Personal Struggles with Hate and Forgiveness
I was never political, never cared for most my adulthood until 2016, but especially in 2024 when the Trump regime came into power. As Christian, it may seem like the anthesis of me saying this, but hate the man, which is difficult because most are taught we should never hate anyone and people would argue well you can’t call yourself a Christian if you hate anyone, which is true and something I struggle with because although Trump is a man I shall never met and have never met, only what I have seen or read about him, that along has caused me to hate him. I guess a lot of the reason I feel this way is because he reminds me of a hate I grew to hate as a child my own grandfather, who died in 2016.
Many who have read my blogs know the reason why he inflicted himself, mother and sister living under his household, pushing all of us to edge with his verbal abuse for over twenty years of my life.
Many have said, including my wife whom I love and respect, that I should move on, he’s dead, he holds no power over me anymore but unfortunately, he being dead doesn’t stop the memories and pain.
What reminds me too much to Trump and him is his pure cruelty, his lack of concern for anyone but himself, a man who only cares about himself despite having many wives and kids, who of course were given a life of privilege, wealth and opportunity so who cares if the father is absent.
A man who clearly is in mental decline, although again many would argue you can not diagnose anyone you don’t know, and that I am not doctor so how can I make statements I know nothing about. It is called the Goldwater Rule, which said that psychiatrists should not diagnose or give other opinions about a person in public life unless they specifically interviewed them in a diagnostic way.
In the last few years, because Donald Trump tends to push the envelope a bit, mental health professionals wondered if the Goldwater Rule should be ignored, and to that end mental health providers are coming out and giving their opinions.
But I do know something, I had both grandfathers who have Alzheimer’s and dementia, and there is a strong possibility I too will get one, if I live long enough, which is one of the reasons I blog and write books, so my family will have a legacy of my words and thoughts.
Strangely there have been two powerful figures I have really learned from, and although I do not know them, found them to be valuable resources of information and encourage those who are interested in look them up which includes Robert Reich, an American Professor, author, Lawyer, political commentator and once served as Secretary of Labor. https://rbreich.com/
The other power figure would be Ruth Ben-Ghiat, a historian of authoritarians, propagranda, NYT Bestselling book: Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present. https://ruthbenghiat.com/
Comparisons and Feelings of Envy
I struggle with hate, but I also struggle with a lot of other feelings that you are all aware of, especially envy and jealousy. Again, I have this problem of looking at another person and creating these narratives of what great life they have. I think of two local pastors in my town who are senior pastors who have two different sized churches, one very large and another a medium sized church.
Pastor Adam Diego (36) of Patria Church in Rancho Cucamonga, who reminds me very much of myself in stature and communication style, is the son of the founder of the church.
The Other pastor Matt Chappell, who started a small church in 2017 named Rockhill Church also in Rancho Cucamonga but has familial legacy of his father being a pastor. Both have families of their own, wives and children.
Ultimately, they both seem like God fearing, good men and I sadly fall gravely short to their examples as a man of God as you can clearly see.
I struggle because as man of God, I should be happy for them, their gifts, knowing God put them in those places but a part of feels grave regret of my own life thinking of them. Nothing personal against them, they both preach the world of God, and I should consider them brothers in Christ. I pray God helps me overcome these feelings and know what the Bible says in
2 Corinthians 10:12, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”
Sadly, I fall short in my God’s eyes, although God still loves me, understands me and is there for me as in said in Romans 12:6:
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.”
Something I need to remember and this is certainty a message that I am constantly reminded by, not just by GOD, but in my own mind. I need to appreciate life more, I know that I need to work to remove my thoughts of suicidal ideation and work to accept my reality of where I am in my life, stopping to look in the past and look forward to the future. Asking God to heal me from these thoughts. Remembering Philippians 4:11,
“I have learned to be content in whatever the circumstances.”
I know within my bones, God has a plan and always has had a plan in this life as said in Jeremiah 29:11:
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
These plans are for everything in this life not just for you and I, but for this world and this country and especially those who lead our country and although I would like to think those who lead things will lead to good, sometimes it does not, it leads to destruction, so that we can learn a lesson, which is what I believe is happening today, especially for our Sin in this country, being full of greed, mal-content, loss of empathy, loss of love for others and especially those who call themselves Christians. We all have fallen the short the glory of God, ONLY God is perfect.
It’s difficult not to look back at the choices I have made and how those choices have led me to where I am today. Blessed to have my wife, my daughter, father, sister and brother-in-law, but having a lack of friendships, which is painful for me, despite my years of efforts to keep friends.
Fortunately to be working and teaching, along with my wife who is also working, we have much to be thankful for as there are many out there who can’t even find a job, who are on the verge of homelessness and those who have become homeless.
Everyday people who go to school, who have worked their whole lives, only to be laid off. I am a generation X’er and I identify with many of my generation because many of us are at an age when we are being discarded due to our age, not because our skills are irrelevant.
As a family man, it pains me to see the world and the country we are turning into and concerned gravely for my daughter who turns 13 this January. Is this the world that she will be coming into eventually when she begins to work, what can her world look like.
For some they will not have to worry about these things, as there who those who have built a legacy that will last years and decades, families who have generational wealth, who live comfortably and many would say well go for them, that means they planned well for their lives and their families, we should be happy for them.
Yes, we make our choices, sometimes we don’t think far enough into the future about what our lives and our families’ lives will look like without proper planning and that is where I am today. It pains me to say that I don’t know what my daughter’s life will look like in five years when she is eighteen.
I believe like my life, it’s in God’s hands and he has a plan for her, but as her father and her mother it is also our job to create a future for our children, so they live a life better than we had and I simply feel I have failed to do that, but again it’s in God’s hands.
Concerns for Family and the Future
I have done everything to maintain my family and even my family’s family, especially my loved ones in El Salvador on my wife’s side who we help support. As you can see many struggles also relate to things I cannot control in this life, but I can’t help but think about them, to stress over them, which has made up a big portion of my life, my thinking even today.
I am hopeful that in 2026 it gets better, there is an optimism in me that I will overcome my strife, something my mother passed down to me seeing her struggle for much of her life especially financially as well. If you noticed I have already spoken about financials more than usual and that is not uncommon for me as I have grown to equate financial security in tandem with my mental health and physical well-being and that will remain.
Financial Security and Mental Well-being
I am not asking to be a millionaire, that that would be nice and I am not here to say that money solves all our problems, they don’t but they do provide a comfort to know you will have food on your table, a room over your head and the comfort knowing you can purchase things without stress, something I have felt like for many years.
There are times I have grown more angry over the state of my failure of a provider as a family man, and although it may seem old fashioned I feel I should be the main provider, feel as though I should only have to work one job to support myself and my family and for some that is possible depending on what your profession you are in.
Achievements in Writing and Work
This year has not been a big loss, my writing, especially with my books, has continued to take shape with my novels and even my blogs. My books, my words, my ability to express myself, are one of those things that keep me grounded, but I can’t forget about my faith of course. This year self-publishing multiple books, but by far the most impactful would be “The Forgotten Son”, my autobiography and turning that book into chapter books of chapters, 1, 2, and 3 of breaking down that massive 840-page book into three books.
Additionally, writing “Runaway, Shame: A Memoir”. These two books, leaving a history of my life, my voice to the struggles of depression and shame I live with each day. I cannot forget my fictional work such as “The Stricken”, my follow up the Pox. Along with my Blog books, my short story collection and “Doll Parts”, my crime, thriller. There are of course more books planned for 2026, and I am in the process of writing my next work of fiction.
I can proudly say that in 2025 I sold 24 copies of “Freaks: Life in the Circus, From Yesterday to Today. Five Copies of The Stricken and Four copies of Doll Parts. Additionally, three e-Books of my short stories from child’s mind, two e-Books of Freaks: Life in the Circus, From Yesterday to Today for grand total of 38 books that sold in the United States, Australia, Germany, Canada and even Japan.
Faith, Personal Growth, and New Year’s Resolutions
Like many of us, our other life, our work life is equally important, thankful to be working, having celebrated this year, two years in September for my day job and my teaching at the college for 6 years.
Thankful for my co-workers, my manager and just overall the company offer a sense stability to my life, but not naïve enough to think nothing can change, because it can. It is difficult not to think of the past as I am creature of habit as I have almost completely overcome my job losses in 2023 and yes, I am aware I should have moved on by now, but that was painful, triggering time in my life, but I have to focus on life today.
How has life gotten so complicated today or am I making it more complicated despite my efforts to live a life focused on doing the right things, saving money, paying my bills on time and attending church, having a better relationship with Jesus.
Prayer and Hope for the Future
As a man of faith, this is another area of failure I really need to focus on in 2026, read the bible more, attending service more regularly. I can say that this year I haven’t been particularly good at sinning less as I have gotten angry more often, I have thought poorly of others, I have even been ungrateful for what I do have, constantly looking at others as what they have, which only reminded me of my career and financial failures, which is constant as even at work I can’t help to look at some of my younger co-workers in positions I wish I had at their age, only thinking how much better off I could be today for myself and family.
But back to my faith, attending church regularly, focusing on alleviating my pain, stress and anxiety and giving them to LORD where they belong and giving up my incessant need to die and appreciate my life as a gift from God. My prayer for the new year so for peace in this country, for this world, to have a peace of mind, to overcome my mental health struggles, to be whole again and not let the past dictate my future and to not live in fear, but to have confidence in myself, my abilities knowing God will provide for me, my family and that people in this country will have a softer heart, show more kindness, love and empathy.
For all that read this, I pray to all of you a year of peace, a prosperous year, of successes and not let the failures in life get to us. Knowing we will all have failures, but ultimately God is in control and our role is learning from it and move on, not to dwell on it, stress about, because it does not good, as I often think of a quote by the Stoic Seneca “We Suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
I am hopeful after reading this, you see me as self reflective man who is just trying to be better. I am not perfect, I am attempt to be transparent with those who read and myself and know I need work. This is all apart of me going into the new year and with a resolution to be a new man, because God made me new when I accepted him, but there is work always to be done and God is always working on me. I see myself as a work in progress and so does God and he has all the time in the world to teach me lessons.
Let’s all appreciate what we have, who we have in this life, because tomorrow those things may not be there, especially in the new year, as we skip along in life, thinking life is great and nothing can diminish that, are often shown how little we known.
Joe Meyers Adventures 