Just about Anything, Mental Health, Writing

Unfocused and Becoming Unhinged slowly

Since be unemployed something that many of us or most of us have experienced, I have been taking it harder then usual because I have a family to support. I am trying to take it day by day, some days are better then others.

I keep replaying and feeling as a complete failure right now, as I search for work knowing ageism is kicking in soon and getting remarks from interviewers that I am “Too Qualified” for the jobs I apply for, like I don’t need to work, eat and pay bills.

I think all too often we look at a single piece of paper a resume and already assume the person would not be happy. I am perfectly content just working, although its great to have a career direction such as if your accountant, a lawyer , doctor you get the the point.

I take these situations even more personal now then lets say 10 years ago when I did have a wife and daughter to support and have my daughter who looks up to me as an example of stability.

I can’t sleep at times, luckily haven’t lost my hunger but that may be next, I feel myself slowly slipping back into a depression state at times, my anxiety beginning to take hold of me, the negative voices coming back.

I equate much of my success and happiness to having a job, being a provider for my family and society and if I cant do that I feel useless. I have thought what choices I have I can continue looking for work which is what I do, I can become a consultant, learn new skills, finish my novel and edit the damn thing, so there is a lot I can do, but with this life bump in the road I feel at a standstill.

I am thankful my wife is working almost full time which helps, but I am the breadwinner of the family, its my role to care for the family and provide. I know that sounds old fashioned, but I take great pride in being the provider.

Right now I feel lost, unworthy, hopefully those feelings will change soon. I have a strong support system but there is only so much they can do, aside from be positive , you will get a job, don’t worry. What many don’t understand about me is I need stability like most and this really throws me for a loop.

For those out there, following me keep me in your thoughts and if you pray, pray for me during this time. I know its something we all experience from time to time, but that doesn’t mean its easy to overcome. I am applying for jobs each day, trying to take care of my mental health by exercising, eating right and trying to get enough rest and trying to be positive for the future.

I am sorry I have been away from my normal scheduled programming of my short stories I have some still, hopefully we will get back on schedule for all of you to enjoy.

Take care and thank you!

2 thoughts on “Unfocused and Becoming Unhinged slowly”

  1. Joseph,

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings about what you’re going through. I’ve been down that road more than once and nearly found myself going down a rabbit hole. I, too, find it insulting when and interviewer tells me I am “too over-qualified.” One thing I noticed about myself is that when I am on the verge of giving up after giving it my all and applying for countless jobs, that is when I push the hardest and work even harder to get back to where I need to be. I know it is easier said than done but I highly recommend that you, if you haven’t already consider working in other industries. In other words step out of your comfort zone. Have you considered healthcare technology, project management, local city, county and state (government) jobs? Have you looked into teaching at charter schools? I sincerely hope and pray that your situation improves and that you continue to maintain faith and not give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Victoria, I value your support so much. I know this is just a transition or phase and should pass. I’m definitely open to other industries and applying for different industries. This recent position was a new industry and profession in a way completely technical. I have value to offer but many times employers think oh I’m too expensive, oh I’m just going to leave. I’ve only left roles because there no opportunity for growth. I will try to remain positive. Your support and encouragement means the world to me. Thank you.


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