Happy Father’s day to all the dads, fathers, pops , grand dads and whatever else you call your dad in honor of him. This weekend in the United States particularly we celebrate fathers although in my opinion fathers do get a bad rap at times simply because fathers screw up the family at times. As a father myself I know I am far from perfect and being a father is no easy task especially if you have a daughter who many times look up to dad as a role model. I only have a daughter so I wouldn’t know what It means to have a son. But growing up I did have my own father who is still living and in good health.
I have written about my father in my blogs and even in my podcast have spoken about fatherhood, but each year there are new memories and new things I learn as a father. I look back on life and my father who I love but know he was far from perfect as he has caused me and my sister a lot of anguish at times but at the end of the day, he is still my father and I must appreciate he still being in our life and alive when so many fathers are not today.
My father whose name is Moses born on September 9th, 1956 grew up in Los Angeles with his father Moses Sr., Mother Isabel , Sisters Elizabeth and Rachel. Up until a few years ago live in his father’s, my grandfathers’ home and of course many of who have read my blogs know about that house which I believe had evil entities that live or current still live in that house. But anyways back to fatherhood. Mom and dad divorced when I was five and sister three, having to move in and live with an actual Devil of a grandfather named Raul who was a grandfather in name only as he displayed no love for myself, sister and mother making our lives a living hell for most of my childhood and into adulthood. I do not have the best representation of fathers in my life, except my grandfather Moses Sr. but even at the beginning of my life he did not believe I was his grandchild and refused to believe it until he realized the family resemblance.
Growing up I would see my father every two weeks for court order visitation where we would go to my grandfathers house for the weekend where my dad would sit back relax while my sister and I feasted on Pizza, Soda, candy, sweets, watch TV late and really do whatever we wanted. A child’s dream where we would also go to Chuck E. Cheese and Toys R’ Us on the weekend to get our favorite toy. The weekend with Grandma and Grandpa was our getaway to a normal childhood before we had to go back to the devils house and submit to his will of making us do labor in the house, while he verbally abused my sister, myself and mother. Growing up basically we would be considered low income living in Bell Gardens or as I refer to that city as Bell Garbage and Huntington Park.
Sad to say I don’t remember much about my childhood as I feel I blocked out those memories because they were really painful to remember. As I think of my own daughter, I work each day to give her a normal childhood of happiness and peace so that one day she will have fond memories of her dad and mom who love her.
As a father I made my life’s mission to not have my daughter grow up in that shithole of Los Angeles , more specifically Bell Garbage, South Gate, Huntington Park, Compton, Watts and the list goes on but I failed at that a few years ago when I moved my family to Los Angeles for financial reason, a decision that has affected me to this day.
My father who did help me get through some darks times in my life, but at the same time wasn’t always the most supportive as a father would be saying I love you enough, a hug or even a kind word that just was never him I guess. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of kind words from fathers, grandfathers or many so when others do praise me or give me props, I feel like I do not deserve those. Today my father lives with my sister and her husband near by to us which allows me to see my father whenever I like or he can see his granddaughter too. Sad to say I don’t know much about my father, his life growing up with Grandma , grandpa and his sisters he has pretty much refused to even talk about his childhood which leads me to believe it may not have been that great.
As a father to my daughter Mikaylah she is the greatest gift in my life that God has blessed me and I am so thankful each day I get to spend the day and days with her watching her grow in the last 8 years. The years have not been easy raising our daughter as fatherhood is no joke as I have struggled with the financials of fatherhood, diapers, formula, food you name it I went through it. I am blessed to say my daughter has never really gotten sick or had any injuries as she has always been healthy aside from a cold and few fevers but nothing major.
My daughter and I are very much the same and different as she is almost my physical copy and many of her interests like Art, reading and writing she loves as well. But of course like any child she is a lot like her mother too with her hard character at times and stubbornness. I looked forward to see her grow each day and every year and day I see the changes in her growing from a baby, toddler, little girl and eventually a tween and teen and finally an adult. I pray God gives me the good health and life to be around her all her life.
As a father we have to remember fatherhood is a blessing, but many fathers choose not to take the responsibility seriously and abandon their kids. I do believe fathers make a difference in this world especially to daughters. I still ponder what makes even bad fathers so important to daughters, thinking of my mother who had a shitty father yet still went searching for him late in her life bringing the Devil into my sister and I’s life causing reprehensible harm to us. The man is now dead and I try to move on but the damage he did to myself and sister is unforgettable as he was no father and grandfather just a devil incarnate. Anyways back to good fathering may this day be filled with Joy and peace, pigging out on your favorite meal as mine is Bar-b-que and giving dad a gift to show your love for him.
This day I am thankful to spend with my daughter and as a father I work to grow to be better, stronger for her and days to come because I know she will need me. Everything I do I do for her and our life together.
God bless all the pops out there and have a blessed day, this is your day and we honor you!